Last year, Canadian scientists published a report in the Journal of Sexual Medicine – determining which sexual fantasies are prevalent and, what are unusual and rare.
Men like to be visually stimulated, whilst women usually prefer an emotional connection, but there are other differences when it comes to what men and women fantasise about sexually:
women are far less likely to want their sexual fantasies to be a reality compared to men. And this distinct difference can lead to misconceptions and problems between men and women in relation to the sexual desires of their partner.
They also found that men had more fantasies and described them more vividly. It was incredibly difficult to narrow it down to the ten most popular sexual fantasies men have:
Ask any hetero guy his number one fantasy and most will respond with “a threesome with two hot women”. Their preference would be for the two women to be bisexual and for them to pleasure each other as well as him. Sometimes this fantasy involves their partner and another woman – but not always. Most men would be happy to have two women simultaneously satisfying them and stroking their ego, whether it’s their partner and another woman or two other women that they’re not in a relationship with.
It’s quite common for hetero men to also fantasise about threesomes with another man and a woman on the basis that both men are pleasuring the woman and not each other.
Watching Two Women
Ultimately if a guy was invited to join in he would, however without an invite most guys would be satisfied just watching two girls having sex. Lesbian porn is a very popular niche – not just for lesbians but for hetero men too! Guys fantasies that involve watching two women having sex often includes them using sex toys together as it’s a serious turn on for men.
Giving Anal Sex
Whilst some men fantasise about receiving anal sex (ie. pegging) from a woman, most men fantasise about giving anal sex. And why is anal sex such a common fantasy for most men? Perhaps it’s because it’s somewhat naughty and generally forbidden. The appeal for men could also be the submissive nature of a woman when giving her anal sex.
Men love the idea of receiving oral sex and most men enjoy giving oral sex to a woman (cunnilingus). I’ve often had married men complain to me that their wives used to give them oral sex but somewhere during the marriage it stopped. In the same conversation they’ve also told me they infrequently give their wives oral sex. It turns out that most women really enjoy oral sex too – reciprocation is usually required and generally expected. So if oral sex has dropped off the radar in a couple’s normal sex life then rather than fantasise about it they could simply try initiating with their partner or even suggest a 69.
Swinging, or having sex with multiple people at the same time, is an extremely popular fantasy for men. And there are many websites and mobile phone app’s that help facilitate the introduction of swinging couples and potential sex partners.
Domination or Submission
Just as some women fantasise about dominating a man or being dominated by a man, men often fantasise about dominating a woman in the bedroom or being dominated sexually by a woman. It’s a very common fantasy of a man to want to restrain a woman, using rope, handcuffs or whatever, perhaps blindfold or gag her, and then do whatever he wants sexually with her. Similarly some men prefer a role reversal with them being the submissive character. And providing there is no physical or emotional harm attached many couples are excited at the prospect of living out such fantasies.
It’s not always about domination and submission; many men fantasise about their partner dressing up and acting the role of characters like a naughty nurse, French maid, Playboy bunny, escort, stripper and even more adventurous characters. And role play is popular at swinger’s parties – both men and women are often encouraged to dress in various costumes, although they’re obviously discarded at some juncture of the party.
No Strings Attached Sex – (NSA)
Men are often hopeless! For many men, in a relationship or otherwise, if they thought they had an opportunity to have no strings attached sex with a woman then they’d probably consider it – or at least fantasise about it. Even though you would hope that a man in a serious relationship, or married, would come to his senses before engaging in such a random act, common sense doesn’t always prevail. And for single guys if they could get regular no commitment sex then they’d often prefer this to a relationship. This is one of the reasons why sex with an escort is such a popular fantasy for many men – there’s no commitment – escorts don’t tell you their real name and they don’t care what yours is either.
Exhibitionism, Sex in Public Places and Voyeurism
They’re all interrelated. And it’s easy to see the appeal of exhibitionism, having sex in public places and voyeurism. Some men really get off on showing their physical assets off to others – and some hetero men fantasise about masturbating in front of women. Perhaps they enjoy the attention or again perhaps it’s the perceived immorality and naughtiness of the act that makes it appealing. And there are men who like others to watch them having sex with a woman.
Most men would relish the opportunity to have sex on the beach, by the pool or in the outdoors if they could. Yes, sex in public places, with the risk of getting caught, is a popular fantasy of most men.
Of course swinging involves a fair bit of exhibitionism and voyeurism.
Men are visual creatures; there is no doubt about that. If they weren’t, the porn industry wouldn’t have proliferated like it has done. Watching porn is a voyeuristic past time that many men enjoy. If they had the opportunity to watch others have sex or a woman masturbate (even the woman next door through the bedroom window) then many men would be delighted to. Even to watch a woman undress is often a very exciting experience for a hot blooded man!
Men often have all sorts of fetishes that they fantasise about. Fetishes like women with big breasts, women’s feet, women who squirt, women who enjoy bondage and discipline – they’re all common fetishes. And there are many fetishes that men have that society might deem ‘normal’ and plenty that would be deemed abstract or questionable.
Sexual fantasies are a normal and healthy part of sexual expression that can lead to increased communication, trust, intimacy and satisfaction within a relationship.
If you are curious as to what your partner fantasises about then ask them. And try not to judge them if they fantasise about something you might abhor. Then decide whether or not you might want to consider living them out or whether they should simply stay fantasies.
Have fun xx