In 1973, Cosmo magazine published a feature article with, “Women do not have sexual fantasies, period. Men do.” At the time Cosmo were clearly misinformed and hadn’t done any research.
It’s not just men who have high sex drives and erotic fantasies – women do too! It’s normal and it’s healthy. Some women actually live out their fantasies whilst others, who might find their fantasies simply too taboo to consider experiencing them, just dream or talk about them. Based upon the feedback of the store managers at adultshop.com.au, here’s the top 10 sexual fantasies women have:
Sex with a stranger.
Whether it’s a handsome guy they’ve eye spied in a bar after a few drinks or even a hot guy they’ve noticed at the beach, women often fantasise about what it would be like to have sex with a stranger. Is it the intrigue or the challenge perhaps? Maybe it’s the appeal of no-strings-attached sex with an anonymous man that they’ll probably never see again. Western society generally doesn’t approve of such conduct – so perhaps it’s the allure of an opportunity to rebel against societal attitudes that makes sex with strangers so exciting. Sex with a stranger allows a woman to be totally selfish with her only objective being self gratitude. She can focus on her own sexual satisfaction and not his. And she doesn’t have to be concerned with his judgement of her. It’s easy to see how this can be appealing to women.
Role play is a top fantasy for both men and women. Women’s fantasies might include sex with a police officer, a fireman, their dentist, a tradesman, their yoga instructor – in fact all types of men. Women also like to dress up and play someone else. And it’s not just the naughty nurse or school girl role that women want to play. Sometimes its anonymous roles that incorporates wigs, elaborate costumes and even masks. Role playing can be fun and it’s a great way to introduce variety, spice and excitement to one’s sex life!
Dominating a man (being a dominatrix).
There are many ways a woman can dominate a man in the bedroom. It could be through BDSM with bondage restraints and some light discipline (for mutual pleasure – without pain) or it could simply be by straddling a man during sex and forcing him to do what she wants. Not all men like being dominated in the bedroom so it’s always better to explore the topic before pulling out ropes, strap-on’s or other accessories.
Dominated by a man (being submissive).
Most women like a dominant and confident man in the bedroom – in contrast to one that they have to ask or tell what to do. Long before E.L.James penned Fifty Shades of Grey women were fantasising about sexually dominant men. Yes some women enjoy, or want to experience, some forms of BDSM but what most women love is seduction. Seduction can be likened to psychological domination. They like a man to be in control in the bedroom and they’re often addicted to men who are sexually dominant. Guys, it’s time to man up!
Rape, coercion and forced sex.
When a woman says she fantasises about being raped she doesn’t literally mean forced sex where aggression, coercion, violence or sexual violence are used. This is a contentious topic that has feminists up in arms and I agree that rape is a heinous crime against women, but it’s actually a very common fantasy for women. I personally don’t like the use of the term rape and think such fantasises should really be considered as nothing more than being ravished by a dominant man. I can see how some women might dream about being pinned against an alley wall and ravished by a lustful stranger – with all her inhibitions left at home. This scene wouldn’t actually have any violence but instead in this ‘pretend rape scenario’ a woman can experience her rawest, most unconstrained sexuality, expressed with reckless abandon and without being impeded by any sense of danger. This scene is diametrically opposed to actual rape. It could be a potentially exhilarating experience for the female and is actually about willingly surrendering herself to a non-aggressive male.
Sex in a public place.
Sexual fantasies can push the boundaries a bit – yours and societies. For instance having sex on the beach at night in some countries, like the US, can lead to jail time. What sounded like a great adventure could easily result in a disaster. Whilst we all like to throw caution to the wind sometimes we need to consider and assess the risks first (ideally before alcohol has any part in the decision making process). Pushing risks aside there is something very exciting about having sex in public places – whether it be the beach, the park, the bottom of the Eiffel Tower or in the toilet at a bar. And there’s a strong temptation for many people to engage in it!
The prospect of getting caught makes it more ‘naughty’. Usually women’s fantasies don’t include getting caught having sex in public places but sometimes they do. Dogging, the practise of having sex in parked cars knowing others (aka peeping Tom’s) will probably watch through the windows, is very common in the UK and is becoming more common in Australia.
Threesome with another woman.
This normally involves the woman being the centre of attention and being pleasured by both a man and a woman. Most men would hope that they get some playtime with the other woman, but alas this isn’t usually part of a woman’s fantasy – no, it’s all about her sexual satisfaction. Most women don’t want to see their man touch, or be touched by, another woman. They want the interlude to be all about them – and as most men love being voyeuristic, and assuming they understand the potential for jealousy issues to arise, they’re cool with this scenario.
Threesome with 2 men.
This fantasy can be the ultimate taboo for many women hence making it even more exciting. In this scenario the men are both heterosexual and they both worship her (with zero interaction with each other). Again the woman envisages herself as the centre of attention having pleasure lavished upon her by both men. In today’s judgemental society women who live out this fantasy may be ‘frowned upon’ however I personally think it’s great that they choose to do so. Any combination of threesome sex should be thought through and discussed first to help avoid jealousy issues. And remember that prior permission is less problematic than asking for forgiveness after.
There’s an obvious overlap here with threesomes. Is it the allure of being simultaneously stimulated by multiple people that has women fantasising about group sex? Perhaps it’s the prospect of having sex with someone without the emotional attachment that makes this fantasy so exciting. In any case swinging with another couple, or multiple couples, is very popular in western society. Some swingers like to play at home whilst others like to attend swingers clubs to broaden their choice of playmates (and to be watched having sex by others).
Sex with a gorgeous woman.
It’s common for ‘straight women’ to fantasise about having sex with another woman. And if they do then this doesn’t mean they’re a closet lesbian or even bisexual. In fact in sexology terms if a person is open to different experiences they are ‘sexually fluid’. There are many reasons why a woman might fantasise about having sex with another woman. Sometimes it can be because they appreciate her curves or her beauty. It can be the intrigue of what it would be like to sex with her that’s the appeal or the thought that another woman might be more passionate and tender than a man (and who might know where her clitoris and g-spot is) that has some women craving erotic adventures with another woman.
And not surprisingly many women fantasise about having sex in a romantic location after being wined and dined. It might be a hotel room or anywhere other than the bedroom at home.
We all need to keep sexual boredom at bay by changing things up a bit and even consider living out some of our, or our partner’s, fantasies from time to time.