Just Like Christmas! 🎁

A box arrived on my doorstep. I was expecting it. I brought it inside. I didn’t open it immediately. I just looked at it.

I phoned a friend of mine, Nya. I didn’t want to open the box alone.

I waited about 6 hours for Nya to arrive so we could open the box.

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It was my delivery from LoveHoney! Sex toys are no fun to open by yourself – especially this many! I wanted a friend to play with (not PLAY with just play with) when I opened all of these treasures.

giveaway ads 2The first ones we took out were the prizes for the National Masturbation Month Giveaway – I wouldn’t want to open them mistakenly.

Next, we opened and touched every toy remaining in the box – this was going to be exciting!

So, over the remainder of the month, I will be reviewing the toys from this box.

Shall we start, class?

Lovehoney Triple Tickler G-Spot Realistic Dildo Vibrator

triple tickler

GiGi

Price: $39.95

current deal:
available from LoveHoneylh-au-valentines-3-for-100-700x160

First Impressions

Oh… 😟 it kinda looks like a rabbit vibrator – without the protruding rabbit. Instead, it has a “trio” of nubs. If you watch the video at the bottom of the page, the presenter will tell you it’s realistic because of the veins and contoured head. Hmmm… I don’t know any cocks that look like this so I’m not sold on the realistic thing, either!

It has a vibrating shaft and nubs; where the hell is the triple part? The shaft is more bent than ‘normal’ vibrators – the box says this “targets your G-spot with expert precision.”

Okay…I’m still a little disappointed (I did open GiGi after the Magic Wand Mini (you’ll have to wait to see what I mean by that!)) but we’ll see…

How GiGi measures up

Length: 9 inches

Insertable Length: 5.5 inches

How GiGi feels

Gigi, in comparison to other vibrators of its type, is extremely flexible (“targets your G-spot with expert precision”). Made from a skin-safe rubber, GiGi can swim and dive (unsure about how far!) in the bath, shower or more exhibitionist-happy, wet places.

FYI: no latex

My Experience

It has been quite a while since I have had anything ‘up there,’ (I’m very much a clit chick) so I lubed up GiGi pretty well. Wow! I still LOVE that ‘filled-up’ feeling.

nubsI turned on the multi-speed controller (rather uncomfortably situated at the base of the vibrator) and felt the tickle – it was hitting the right places. I turned the speed up a tad – the tickle grew. However, the nubs didn’t really tickle my clit. I pushed GiGi in further – okay, that was better but still just a tickle.

I set GiGi to work at  her highest speed. I was getting there; I was getting there…but GiGi wasn’t going to be able to push me over into the abyss. I decided I needed to up the intensity on the nubs 💪 BUT you can’t do that with GiGi.

I leaned over on my side (ooh! that’s a little more like it but still not quite) and grabbed my Doxy. Doxy was placed against my clit and against GiGi (at a lower intensity than normal). Holy shit, Batman! Doxy pushed GiGi to new heights. Because GiGi’s curved head sits on your g-spot easily and comfortably, the extra power from the Doxy brought my first grunting orgasm very quickly (about 1 minute) after the build up from GiGi alone 👌. Then, turning Doxy down even further, I enjoyed the aftershocks.

PROs

CONs

  • hits the right spot
  • quiet
  • waterproof
  • battery operated (2 x AAs not included)
  • Built in – twist base controller (personally I find that annoying when in the throes of ecstasy)
  • not enough power

Final Thoughts

For the price, this is a pretty good toy. It would be great for some-one just starting out with toys. If you’ve been playing with a heavy-duty, plug-in wand, however, I don’t think this will do the trick…sorry 😞Tickler rating

My rating:

So, this is my first review of a sex toy – have I missed anything? Do you need to know more? Please let me know.

Please note: LoveHoney provided this item free of charge but, in no way, influenced this review.

 

DividerTo celebrate National Masturbation Month, I (in conjunction with Lovehoney Australia) am giving away one Lovehoney Desire Luxury USB Rechargeable Remote Control Love Egg Vibrator (valued at $109.95) and one Lovehoney Sqweel XT for Men USB Rechargeable Oral Sex Simulator (values at $99.95).

Enter Here

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Stroke It

Women are paying strangers to touch their vaginas in a bid to improve their sex lives and achieve better orgasms.

Orgasmic meditation (OM) practitioners are holding group masturbation classes to teach women how to climax, promising that the lessons can lead to a “larger state of consciousness, improving intimacy in relationships and generally increasing your orgasm skills”.

During a typical orgasmic meditation class, the woman undresses from the waist down while a total stranger strokes her clitoris for 15 minutes.

But before the fully-clothed stroker starts to massage their partner’s downstairs with the help of organic lube, they describe the vagina they are looking at, going into detail about the colour, texture and shape.

OM participants do the stroking in front of other group members in what’s called a “nest”.

While the session might sound rather sexual there’s apparently “no goal other than to feel, connect and be present”.

It may sound like a bizarre and seedy sex cult, but it’s popularity has been snowballing since it was founded in 2001.

There’s over 10,000 practitioners worldwide and 2,000 already in the UK, attracting a mixed clientele – anything from couples in their early 20s to people in their 80s.

Wow! So what do you think… do you need therapy? 

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Find the Perfect Sexy Valentine’s Day Gift

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It’s 10 days ’til Valentine’s Day – what a great excuse to go shopping for sex toys! (if you need one, that is!)

So what kind of gifts should you buy for you and your loved one (or just for you)?

Gifts for Couples

Buy any three products from LoveHoney’s Valentine’s Gifts for Couples section and you’ll get 20% off.

Gifts for Men

Buy any three products from LoveHoney’s Valentine’s Gifts for Men section and get 20% off.

Gifts for Women

Buy any three items from LoveHoney’s Valentine’s Gifts for Her range and get 20% off.

BONUS

Spend $40 at Lovehoney this Valentine’s Day and get the best-selling massage oil free of charge! 

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My Day – My Doxy!

You all know that I really, really, REALLY want a Doxy Extra Powerful Massage Wand Vibrator, right? And I just read this ‘review’ from Girl On The Net:

ana

About ten years ago, my boyfriend bought me my first ever sex toy. We spent ages in the shop choosing, then eventually came home with a rabbit-type thing that the sales assistant recommended because ‘you’ll regret it if you go for the smaller one.’ That afternoon the boy hand-fucked me with a growing sense of awestruck wonder as I went from ‘oh that’s odd’ to ‘mmm fucking hell’ through to ‘DON’T STOP DON’T STOP OR I SWEAR I WILL EAT MY OWN TONGUE.’

Like that very first wank you ever have, nothing quite compares to the first time you find a sex toy that does something so utterly new to your genitals that you’re not sure whether to worship it or burn it as a witch. Since then I’ve used various vibrating cock rings, dildos, bullets and vibes and I can honestly say that nothing has come close to recreating the surprise and delight of a genuinely new sensation. Until now.

My considered opinion on the Doxy massager

I get frequent requests from companies to review sex toys, and previously I’ve always said no, because I figured I’d struggle to say anything other than ‘this feels pretty nice on my cunt.’

I don’t have any such problems with the Doxy, because holy clit-battering hell, this thing is amazing.

As soon as the boy touched me with it I let out a half-strangled moan of surprise, followed swiftly by a few involuntary gargles, a fair amount of shouting, and eventually tears and some sort of odd reflex-laughter. I flailed my arms. I yelped. I screwed my face into scary expressions. I invented new blasphemies. At one point he mistook my twitching for signs that I’d finished, and he stopped, causing me to let out an anguished scream of such deep and abiding misery that even I was concerned for my own welfare.

It didn’t just make me come. It did this weird and incredible holding-pattern thing, where I came just to the edge of orgasm then thrashed about on that plateau until I could barely see, speak, or do anything other than push back against it as hard as possible, grit my teeth and beg for the first waves to hit.

Hmm mmm mmm!

After a few minutes in this happy-scary-horny Utopia, the waves eventually did hit, kept right on hitting, then dragged me off the ravaged coastline of my keening arousal and swept me out for more. I had about half a second in which I realised an orgasm had happened before the second one started, and I turned back into that weirdly gurning sexual banshee again – grabbing bedsheets and scratching the boy and stuttering those freakish moaning noises at the ceiling.

Jjj jjjj nya!

How loud is the Doxy massager?

A few people have pointed out that wands are quite loud, and therefore not great for discreet usage. Well, yes. It is loud for the same reason a space shuttle is loud, or the screeching delight of a recent lottery winner: the former is noisy because it’s powerful and the latter is noisy because it’s hard to keep such good news quiet. The sound coming from the actual toy is academic because, as you can hear, it’s eclipsed by my own involuntary wailing.

Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

So, to clarify, you’re saying the Doxy massager is good?

Yes. I am saying it is good. I am saying it made me do and feel things I have never done or felt before, and when it comes to sex toys it is very much My Sort Of Thing.

This is not a gentle toy. This is not a ‘discreet’ toy. This is what would happen if you mated a vibrator with a jet engine: industrial hardware for your cunt.

I won’t give you any giggling bullshit about how I’d marry it if only it could do the dishes as well, because quite frankly it wouldn’t even have to do the dishes. The Doxy Massager could sit on my sofa scratching its nutsack while I vacuumed under its feet and I’d still marry it. On balance, though, I’d need the boy too, because it feels particularly good if I hold it to my clit while he fucks me.

Grand finale

So when I tell you I don’t do toy reviews, please understand that I still don’t: this is emphatically not a toy review. I have not calmly weighed up the pros and cons of a particular product, like a journalist for ‘What Fuckwand?’ magazine. I’m the irritating friend who won’t shut up until you’ve watched The Wibehold the formidable power of the doxy massager, which is to wanking what Einstein was to physicsre. I’m your Mum telling everyone how talented you are. I am the wide-eyed, chirpy stranger who accosts you in the street to talk about Christ. I’m not impartial: I’m evangelical.

The Doxy massager is my new favourite thing.

FAQs

Isn’t the Doxy massager actually a sports massager?

No. It’s not. I mean it says it is, and the instruction manual still gives hilariously coy information about ‘soothing tired muscles’, but the company Twitter feed unashamedly sports a lady pressing it to her cunt. It’s for your cunt.

I am a guy. Can I use it on my ballsack?

Sure, knock yourself out. I rubbed it on my dude and his reaction was obviously less earth-shattering than mine, but then to have a more earth-shattering reaction than me he’d have had to jizz bullets. He does, however, like the fact that when I come with it, my cunt gets much tighter and twitchier than when I come any other way, and that obviously feels pretty great around his dick.

You clearly like this. But will I?

Not a clue. While I’m fairly proficient in the subject of ‘how stuff feels on my clit’ I am no expert in how stuff feels on yours. Sexual fulfillment depends on personal taste, but if your personal taste is anything like mine, you’ll probably see the face of God.

This is the most swearingly enthusiastic sex toy review I’ve ever seen. How much are these guys paying you?

They’re not, although I did get this toy for free after I got pissed and told the representative from Belle de Soir that if I liked it I could get him some sales. He’s promised to let me know whether my ringing endorsement has an effect, and if anything turns me on more than being frigged with a massive power tool, it’s stats nerdery. So what I’m saying is that I have a vested interest in you buying this, because I get to be smug, but if it weren’t the most intense thing I’d ever used I wouldn’t bother saying so.

You can understand how I really want to try one of these; so, as my birthday is on Saturday, I am buying myself a couple of presents: a purple Doxy and an hour with a male escort – I’ll tell you about both.

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Have I Got a Deal for you!

Remember how I asked you to use a particular link when buying your sextoys? So I could afford to buy a Doxy?

Well, I have some deals for you, too:

lingerie

And there’s some other freebies…

$10 men

FREE Lovehoney Textured Penis Enhancer Sleeve plus free shipping when you spend just $40

$10 women

FREE Lovehoney BASICS Bullet Vibrator plus free shipping when you spend $40

$10 couples

FREE Lovehoney BASICS Vibrating Twin Cock Ring plus free shipping when you spend $40

$19 men

FREE TENGA Egg Wavy plus free shipping when you spend $60

$19 women

FREE Lovehoney BASICS Suction Cup Dildo 6 Inch plus free shipping when you spend $60

$25 couples

FREE Bondage Boutique Beginners Soft Bondage Kit plus free shipping when you spend $60

$30 men

FREE Lovehoney Lifelike Eva Super Tight Pocket Pussy plus free shipping when you spend $100

$37 women

FREE Lovehoney Power Play 7 Function Classic Vibrator plus free shipping when you spend $100

$50 couple

FREE Lovehoney Dream Egg 10 Function Remote Control Vibrating Love Egg plus free shipping when you spend $100

Just click on any of the pictures to go shopping AND claim your free gift.

What I Wish was in Pandora’s Box (maybe not yet…but later!)

Multiple Penetration

After looking at blogs and websites, my fantasies (NOT necessarily to be turned into reality) now include multiple penetration…and not necessarily one man and some toys.

But, other than in porn, it is a definite taboo – but people actually do it, don’t they?…Don’t they?

So, now I’m thinking about how it fits within my fantasy life…and it is always a rape scene or my Dom ‘forcing’ me to have sex with numerous men as an act of submission.

Is it that much of an inviolable subject that, even in fantasy world, it must be an activity that one is compelled to do?

Any thoughts anybody? Please…

First Choice of Position

spooning DP

Second Choice of Position

Doggy style DP

Third Choice of Position

Missionary DP

And, just in case, there is any remaining energy…

lots