What Does a Real Dominant Look Like?

9758394by Kayla Lords

Contrary to what the erotica burning up e-readers around the world will tell you, not all Dominants wear three-piece suits, own multi-billion dollar corporations, or turn their secretaries into their submissives from the first interview. Books like that are fun to read and certainly get me all steamed up, but trying to find a Dominant that fits that mold is nearly impossible.

Dominant people, because they can be male or female, cis or trans, come in every shape, size, color, sexual preference, income bracket, education level and career. There is no perfect picture of a Dominant. The men don’t all wear suits. The women don’t always wear leather or latex. Many Dominants I know are typically found in jeans and t-shirts.

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So, what does a “real” Dominant look like? In my experience – as someone who loves a Dominant and is friends with others – they all have very similar traits. But here’s the surprising thing: Not one of those traits is physical.

Common Traits of a Real Dominants

Patience

A good Dominant doesn’t rush into giving you commands from the moment you meet. If they do, it’s likely a test. Master M, a friend of mine and Domme (yes, she’s female and yes, she uses the title “Master”), has said many times that if she’s giving a new potential submissive an order, it’s to see if they have a backbone and will stand up to her. Dominants are in no rush to have you bow and kneel before them. They want to get to know you as a person first.

Integrity

The best Dominants do what they say they’re going to do. They’re consistent in thought, speech and action. You know where you stand with them. The reality is that you might not always like what you hear, but you know you’re being told the truth as they see it or they’re doing what they think is best.

Responsibility

Real Dominants, the kind you can trust with your mind and body, understand that they have a responsibility to their submissive. They take responsibility for their actions and their words. Sure, things can be said in anger, but a Dominant with a strong sense of responsibility will own up to their mistakes and work to repair a fractured situation.

Willingness to Learn

Dominants, even those in the lifestyle for many years, know they don’t know everything. They also realize they’re capable of making mistakes. Good Dominants are constantly seeking new information, whether it’s about a new toy to try, a protocol to introduce, or simply a better way to handle the difficult situations that crop up in any relationship.

Communication

Any Dominant worth their salt knows the key to a successful D/s relationship is communication. They not only want to share information and details with you, they also want you to share your thoughts, feelings and needs with them. Based on your own relationship, how you communicate can vary wildly, but the ability is always there.

Consent

No conversation about D/s is ever complete unless we discuss consent. Consent is, according to a Master I know named Cade, not as simple as saying, “Yes.” Consent must be informed. Neither of you, Dominant or submissive, is truly giving clear consent if you don’t know what you’re saying yes to. Clear consent means understanding what’s going to happen, what it will feel like, and what the result will be. (Read more in Yes! Why Consent is Totally Sexy.)

What Other Dominants Say

Every kinkster, Dominant, submissive, top, or bottom is different. None of us are alike, and we come from all walks of life. I reached out to three male Dominants that I trust (one of whom is my own partner) for their take on being a Dominant.

Tom Wolf is married to his submissive and lives in the northeastern United States. Sir Franco Bolli is dating his Princess and lives in Antwerp. Southern Sir shares a bed and home with me as the Daddy Dom to my babygirl self, after more than a year in a long-distance relationship. All three have very different ways of expressing their Dominance, but they also have very clear similarities.

What Makes You Feel Most Dominant?

Tom Wolf

“When I feel in control is when I feel most dominant. Sometimes you enter into a situation or scenario, and it just flows. When that happens, it’s euphoric. My brain is abuzz with positive energy, and it’s likely the time when I’m most relaxed. But Doms aren’t perfect. When I don’t get it right, I used to panic to try and get things even keeled. Now, age and wisdom prevail, and I will admit a momentary point of panic when the reality of not being in control presents itself.

What I’ve learned is that it’s not the missteps or blunders that define you, but how you recover from them, including admitting an error. It’s in that recovery that you garner respect for maintaining composure through being nimble on your feet with the right elixir to remedy the situation. It’s in that moment that your presence, or how others feel about you, which defines your dominance, generates respect and produces that brain-buzz that drives me harder.”

Sir Franco Bolli

“On a date, Princess loves it when I am completely in charge, leaving her with hardly any responsibilities so she can completely let go and enjoy. I love being an old-school gentleman Dom.

Princess and I love rough sex. Choking, hair pulling, biting, and I often use all I’ve got to pin her down, force her down like I’m kind of raping her. That, too, is about Dominance.”

Southern Sir

“We have a number of rituals and protocols in our relationship. The one that stands out the most to me is in the evening after the boys are in bed, Kayla will make me a cup of coffee. She just won’t hand it to me, she kneels down and offers up the cup to me. That act fills me with so much love for her knowing that it is me she kneels for.”

What Gives You the Most Joy or Satisfaction as a Dominant?

Tom Wolf

“I get extreme pleasure from the smiles of those who are happy to have made their decision to follow. Oh, and from giving relentless sexual pleasure to my submissive, lol.”

Sir Franco Bolli

“The trust. And the love, passion and submission I receive from Princess. Taking care of Princess, protecting her, helping her grow. Being given the opportunity to take a part of her life in my hands.”

Southern Sir

“Watching my babygirl grow, and by this I mean reaching for her dreams. Everyone has dreams, but to watch her reaching for them and to see them coming to life for her gives me an overwhelming feeling of joy.”

What Advice Do You Have for Those New to the Lifestyle?

Tom Wolf

“Trust more, judge less. Love more and exercise patience, forgive mistakes. Open your mind, explore boundaries, free your soul. Beware of phonies and posers. They will suck the life out of you without you even knowing it.

Read and research a lot. And then do some more. Tools of the kink can be disfiguring or deadly in the wrong hands. Understand their intended purpose, predicted outcomes, and pleasure to both the giver and receiver. But whatever you do, do it in the name of respect. Your dignity and respect are the only things you will ever have that are nearly impossible to recover once lost.”

Sir Franco Bolli

“Every story is a different one and each has other players with their own pasts, wishes and so on. D/s is a lifestyle that can be implemented in so many different ways. There is no one size fits all.

I guess my most important advice would be: talk. Communication is everything and it means not only talking but, equally important, listening.”

Southern Sir

“Ask questions, find the local munch in your area, meet people that live the lifestyle. Find the people that have been a part of it for the last 25 – 30 years and ask them questions, watch them, learn and grow.”

Did you notice that no one advised ordering a total stranger to kneel, call them ‘Sir’ or otherwise act submissive from the first few moments? The people who do that aren’t good Dominants. Some are simply posers and abusers looking for new victims. Others are uneducated or too arrogant for their own good, sometimes a combination of both. Avoid them at all costs.”

National Masturbation Month – Not Just for Wankers

Will you be actively celebrating National Masturbation Month? 
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Cyndi Darnell has over 20 years experience studying and understanding sex and sexuality. In addition to formal qualifications in Clinical Sexology, Counselling and adult Education, she also brings knowledge of contemporary Tantra and Sexological Bodywork. Cyndi is uniquely placed to embrace, understand and challenge the diversity of human sexuality; and, of course, tell us all about masturbation.

Masturbation: It’s not just for wankers!

Masturbation: It's not just for wankers!

Masturbation. I am assuming that on a site like this, most of you are already pretty familiar with it, and are also fairly OK with sex being an important part of your life.

But masturbation is a really important part of our sexuality. Practicing masturbation can actually expand and enhance our erotic experiences with others. Who woulda thunk it?

Any of you that are familiar with my work know that I am a great advocate of deep, focussed sensual sex as a pathway to heightened orgasms, deeper connections and and more powerful erotic experiences that leave you longing for more, more, MORE! Here are a few tips to spice up your masturbation to improve your technique and bring more BANG to your bedroom escapades!

1. Practice slowing your masturbation down Why? You get to focus on different parts of your genitals or nipples. For example, if you are accustomed to quick wanking or using a vibrator to get off, practice using a slower technique and notice which parts of your genitals and nipples are more sensitive than others.

2. Penises. Instead of just jerking off to orgasm, try stimulating one part of your cock at a time.  A lot of  folks find the frenulum (this is the yummy little triangle in the underside of your penis where it joins the foreskin  – where it is or was) is really a delicious spot to touch with the pad of your forefinger. Using lube, make little circles on this area  and experiment with pressure and speed.

2a. Practice extending your orgasm by getting yourself turned on, but just before you feel you are about to come, take your hands away and shift your breathing to your nose only. This helps you control your ejaculation giving you more choice about how you come and when. Practicing this regularly is a great way to train yourself to last longer during partnered sex.

3. Labia. Take the time to get to know your labia. Both inner and outer. If you haven’t had a good look at yours, may May the month to get out a mirror and have a look around. Using lube really explore the areas you mightn’t usually, like the area between the labia and the forchette, the area where the lips meet at  their lowest point, above the anus. How long does it take for your pussy to start to swell?  Take selfies of your pussy before, during and after arousal – to see how much it varies during these stages of arousal.

3a. Rock around the Clit Clock. (I learnt this one from my pal Barbara Carrellas) Imagine your clit is a clock face  Spend 2 minutes making tiny circles with your finger on each point of the clock face.Use lube but not too much – it desensitises. Which o’clocks feel best to you? A lot of us find the area between 5 o’clock and 7 o’clock the most divine.

4. Instead of racing to orgasm, see how much stimulation you can take and how long it takes you to get to maximum wetness, hardness and arousal. For a lot of us it can be a while. You might surprise yourself at just how much pleasure you can have. After all, why scoff down a delicious meal. Learn to savour each nibble as if it were your last!

All this masturbation and attention to detail gives you more knowledge of your body and how it works and what it loves. The more you know the more you can share with others.

This article has been re-blogged from Adult Match Maker

To celebrate National Masturbation Month, Taboo Radio (in conjunction with Lovehoney Australia) are giving away one Lovehoney Desire Luxury USB Rechargeable Remote Control Love Egg Vibrator (valued at $109.95) and one Lovehoney Sqweel XT for Men USB Rechargeable Oral Sex Simulator (values at $99.95).

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25 (Weird & Wonderful) Facts about Masturbation

Masturbation Month gives us the perfect opportunity to share some serious, strange and even funny trivia facts about masturbation.

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Feel free to add more in the comments below.

  1. The most damaging myth about masturbation is that it’s a sign something is wrong in your relationship. The fact is that most people masturbate. They masturbate if they’re single, in a bad relationship, or in a great relationship. It has nothing to do with their partners or the quality of their sex life.
  2. People who masturbate report to have happier marriages (and lives!) than those who refuse to twirl the pearl.
  3. People who have sex regularly masturbate more often than those who don’t. And married people are more likely to masturbate than people living alone. [National Health & Social Life Survey]
  4. Can you masturbate too much? The American Psychiatric Association says that unless masturbation is getting in the way of your everyday life (work, friendships, footy) there’s no such thing as too much self love!
  5. Adult Match Maker’s Under the Covers Sex Survey found that 20% of women admitted to masturbating daily and 45% weekly. [Adult Match Maker “Under the Covers” Survey 2014]
  6. Both men and women are more likely to experience their first orgasm through masturbation.
  7. The Kama Sutra, the ancient Indian Hindu sex manual from 400 BC, included masturbation techniques.
  8. Orgasms from masturbation can strengthen your immune system and for guys it’s thought masturbation can help prevent prostate cancer. So, keep your hand in, it’s good for your health!
  9. There are absolutely no health risks associated with masturbation (besides a little chafing).
  10. Masturbation has proven health benefits like stress management, secretion of endorphins & cardiovascular exercise.
  11. Watching their partner masturbate can be an amazing turn on for most guys.
  12. A study found that 40% of women prefer masturbation over actual sex.
  13. Over 75% of women surveyed in Adult Match Maker’s Under the Covers Sex Survey said that they orgasm faster when they masturbate. [Adult Match Maker “Under the Covers” Survey 2014]
  14. Legend tells us it was the seductress Cleopatra who invented the first vibrator. Rather than being carved from wood or rock, it was a gourd hollowed out and filled with … wait for it … angry bees. There is even record of Julius Caesar giving Cleo an elaborately carved, gold inlaid penis “sculpture.” Don’t worry she had plenty of lube, in 350 BC people were using olive oil!
  15. A study found that 35% of respondents in a relationship still masturbate weekly compared to 60% who are single. [Durex Sexual Wellbeing Survey]
  16. Masturbation isn’t only about sex, for many it’s a routine way of relieving stress, clearing your head before work or going to sleep.
  17. The electric home vibrator was on the market 9 years before the electric vacuum cleaner and 10 years before the electric iron! At least they had their priorities right!
  18. The Japanese term for female masturbation is “shiko shiko manzuri” which translates to “ten thousands rubs”.
  19. Contrary to myth (or perhaps wishful thinking) the penis is not lengthened by masturbation.
  20. One of the first vibrators was a steam-powered device called the “Manipulator”. Obviously not named by a man!
  21. Ancient Egyptians believed their God Amun masturbated and his seed created civilization.
  22. Human aren’t the only ones to itch the ditch – monkeys, walruses and deer have all been documented pleasuring themselves. Scientists have even observed female apes using sticks for added pleasure.
  23. All orgasms are not created equally. It’s a little known fact that the makeup of semen is different when you masturbate to when you have sex.
  24. Masturbating at night can help you sleep by lowering blood pressure and easing stress and tension. So if you’re having trouble sleeping, put those fingers to work!
  25. Based on the findings of our survey, 19,840 Aussies rubbed one out in the time it took you to read this article! [Adult Match Maker “Under the Covers” Survey 2014]

The only problem with masturbation is there’s no one to cuddle with afterwards!

This article has been re-blogged from Adult Match Maker

To celebrate National Masturbation Month, Taboo Radio (in conjunction with Lovehoney Australia) are giving away one Lovehoney Desire Luxury USB Rechargeable Remote Control Love Egg Vibrator (valued at $109.95) and one Lovehoney Sqweel XT for Men USB Rechargeable Oral Sex Simulator (values at $99.95).

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Under the Covers

Sydney sexologist Dr Michelle Mars believes we need to be more light-hearted and pleasure focused in our sexual thinking. We LOVE that!
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Fap vs Fiddle

May is Masturbation Month. We’ve done research to help us understand what it’s all about. Over 7,600 people took part in our Under the Covers Sex Survey so that gives us some great data to find out where do we do it? who do we do it with? and what are the major differences between masturbation for men and women?

We instinctively know some of the answers to these questions, men do it more frequently (see below) and women use vibrators (80% compared with 20% of men) but let’s have a deeper look at some of our habits and desires when it comes to sex with ourselves.

Masturbation frequency

What are those statistics telling us? In general women are less likely to masturbate than men but they are more likely to masturbate once a week than men. Why?

Personally I don’t think it has anything to do with desire I think it’s about where we are comfortable masturbating, or even the fact that most women use a vibrator and even the little ones are noisy.

Our statistics show no significant differences when it comes to masturbating in private; with a partner (women 79%, men 76%), a friend (women 34%, men 27%) or with someone on the internet (women 49%, men 47%) . But when things become a little less private it seems men are more adventurous than women with 38% of men saying they masturbate at work compared to only 25% of women.

Masturbation frequency

I think men are more likely to take the risk that others might know they popped out for a quick wank because men’s sexuality is more socially acceptable than women’s, made so through myths that men have higher sex drives and irresistible needs. Women on the other hand historically have occupied the moral high ground when it comes to sex. We’re supposed to be more in control of our urges and in the past if we strayed from the path and heaven forbid got pregnant we became fallen women, socially marginalised and financially compromised. Today we know this is no longer the case but the myth prevails.

So girls and boys what are we going to do to make sure that women get to catch up on the masturbations stats. I’d suggest some me time, some do not disturb I am having a wank time, it’s definitely time women came out of the closet. A quick flick of the bean is revitalising, lifts your spirits and puts a smile on your face. Yay for May, let’s celebrate!

This article has been re-blogged from Adult Match Maker

To celebrate National Masturbation Month, Taboo Radio (in conjunction with Lovehoney Australia) are giving away one Lovehoney Desire Luxury USB Rechargeable Remote Control Love Egg Vibrator (valued at $109.95) and one Lovehoney Sqweel XT for Men USB Rechargeable Oral Sex Simulator (values at $99.95).

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BDSM Revisited: Detours and Debris

As I have said before (and will say again), I am no expert so I rely on others to teach, coach and write. Sometimes I find wonderful things to share (and sometimes I don’t – you know that’s happening when there are long, long breaks between posts!)

That said, I was directed to A Firm Grip and this article (reminiscent of Marquis De JJ’s rants):

BDSM Revisited: Detours & Debris

The trend these days in BDSM seems to be as Noel Coward sang “Anything Goes” except, of course, when it doesn’t.  Part of this confusion seems to stem from the migration into the lifestyle of vanillas with its never-changing cast of characters: control freak jerks, players, trolls, drama queens, perpetual virgins, well, you get the picture.

We see guys getting “into the scene” because they have gotten the misinformation that submissives never say no to sex, are easy to manipulate, and as “Doms” or “Masters” they can get away with really bad behavior.  We see women getting into it because they have the mistaken idea that all Doms/Masters are sex gods, will tell them exactly what they ought to be doing, will take care of their every need, and are some kind of superior man to spice up their (mostly non-existent) sex lives.  Sorry to disabuse you, if that’s what you believe, but it’s hardly the truth.

242There is room in the community of BDSM to include a wide variety of folk, this  is true.  From those who just want to play or scene to those who want a fulfilling relationship with someone who complements their particular set of kinks:  Sadists with Masochists, dominants with submissives,  complementive fetishists.   However, some traditionalists resent the incursion of newbies who are essentially clueless, just looking for easy sex,  and basing their expectations and practices on nothing more than fantasies and pornographic fakery.

Like cultists who rush from one to the next when disappointment settles in and the truth be known, it is likely many of these new sojourners will drop away from BDSM practices whenever burnout strikes, yesterday, today, or some tomorrow.  To them BDSM will be merely another detour on their life path, a sideroad that goes no further than the dead end sign, and they’ll back up and head back to Vanilla Highway 101.  Unfortunately, they may carry with them (as failed conservatives or liberals often do) the “understanding” that it was all a lie to begin with.  Perhaps to them specifically, it was, indeed, a lie, but they were lying to themselves or their motivations were false.

238BDSM is not about easy sex, not about being excited by whips and chains only when nothing else works, not about being a chauvinist asshole nor a whining victim.   But, in future, we may experience meeting up with people for whom that opinion is their guiding factor.  The “Dom”, for example, who because of his personality (not his inexperience) still cannot “get laid” will, just as in Vanilla Land, think the women involved are bitches, frigid, or lesbians.  The “sub” whose fantasy was never fulfilled, just as it wasn’t in her vanilla life, will continue to think all men are jerks, assholes, and players.  It may even seem ironic, to those of us outside this paradigm, that such false Doms and subs often wind up with experience only with each other, not with people actually in the BDSM lifestyle.

So, let’s consider what the difference is, in terms of motivation and expectation.   Are you involved or getting involved in BDSM because you must for genuine and sincere fulfillment?   Have you explored the pros and cons and find the pros win every time?  Do you base your relationship expectations on the long-term, always learning and growing, and changing emotional, mental, and physical needs you consistently experience?  Do you realize that while it may be healthy and satisfying to have fantasies, they don’t always have to made manifest in the real world?  Do you know, as a submissive, the difference between being pushed/shoved and being led?  Are you aware, as a Dominant, that respect, compromise, and responsibility are part of the relationship dynamic?

Here’s a little technique that can help.  Sit down and make a list of what you expect from a BDSM or D/s relationship.  A real list of practical attributes, not fantasies.   If you expect your potential Dominant to be a knight on a white horse to slay your dragons of doubt, shyness, self-recrimination, previous mental, physical, or emotional abuse – cross that off your list.  You have to be, as a submissive, your own knight.  The Dominant can only help keep your armor intact and hand you the right sword.

270If you’re the Dominant, your list shouldn’t include items like “Sex whenever and however I want it”, “The right to do whatever I want with no responsibility”, nor “Someone I can order around like some inferior and low creature”.  But it might include things like “Taking responsible care of another person”, “Providing a stable, dependable basis for respect and mutual pleasure”, and “Being a leader, a guide, a mentor, and a lover”.

Another thing, an observation that continues to appear in conversations about the relationship dynamics.   In a D/s relationship, particularly, it is the relationship that controls and is the power between the participants.  The Dominant is given power to make choices and decisions, the submissive surrenders power to do so – but the real controller is the dynamic of the relationship itself.  And that’s a good thing to know and accept.

244Oh, and try not to take the detours, but make your own path.  And step over or around any debris you find strewn there.  Someone else has already thrown it away.

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Stroke It

Women are paying strangers to touch their vaginas in a bid to improve their sex lives and achieve better orgasms.

Orgasmic meditation (OM) practitioners are holding group masturbation classes to teach women how to climax, promising that the lessons can lead to a “larger state of consciousness, improving intimacy in relationships and generally increasing your orgasm skills”.

During a typical orgasmic meditation class, the woman undresses from the waist down while a total stranger strokes her clitoris for 15 minutes.

But before the fully-clothed stroker starts to massage their partner’s downstairs with the help of organic lube, they describe the vagina they are looking at, going into detail about the colour, texture and shape.

OM participants do the stroking in front of other group members in what’s called a “nest”.

While the session might sound rather sexual there’s apparently “no goal other than to feel, connect and be present”.

It may sound like a bizarre and seedy sex cult, but it’s popularity has been snowballing since it was founded in 2001.

There’s over 10,000 practitioners worldwide and 2,000 already in the UK, attracting a mixed clientele – anything from couples in their early 20s to people in their 80s.

Wow! So what do you think… do you need therapy? 

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I Paid an Expert to Massage my Vagina

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IT’S taken me about two years to say ‘yes’ to receiving a yoni massage from a professional, and honestly I still can’t actually believe I just paid an expert (a professional Tantric practitioner) to come into my room and ‘massage’ my vagina.

Hold on, keep calm, let me explain. I am a sexologist, so aside from the deep interest in this form of healing, I also feel it’s my duty to explore these alternative therapies so that I can report back to you.

So here it goes, I suggest grabbing yourself a cosy seat, a cup of tea (or some red wine…), this is some serious and sensual business.

62f9b499170d2ccc9323bb69703efc6dFirst things first, yoni is the Sanskrit word for sacred cave/vagina. Yoni Massage, similar to a massage anywhere else in the body, releases tension. However because the yoni is one of the most intimate and powerful parts of the body it’s important that the massage follows certain guidelines — a ritual if you will.

Yoni massage is profound work. A Tantric tradition studied deeply and thoroughly. Professional practitioners should have years of experience and have studied with reputable organisations. A person interested in yoni massage should get a recommendation from someone who has received one, first hand. Do not go blindly into a consultation.

A few other important factors that make a yoni massage different from sex:

  • No sex! The massage therapist is only there to give to the recipient. It is all about the person receiving the massage (it is rare for women to purely receive).
  • There’s a strong focus on healing and holding space for whatever emotions come up so these can be felt and experienced.
  • The intention of the massage is for healing, awakening and transformation.
  • Clear intentions for both the receiver and the giver.
  • Clear communication about boundaries and sensation.
  • The space is set up as sacred.

So, I convinced myself that having this massage was the right thing for me to do for many reasons; as a society we’ve been suppressing the power of women’s sexuality for a long time. No more, I say.

It’s important that we heal and shift the traumas and experiences stored in our yonis, so we can make way for the flow of creativity and confidence.

The night before the massage I dreamt that we had started the yoni experience and got interrupted by an intense ocean storm. So I woke up feeling like I needed to have it.

So, finally there I was, opening my door (literally and metaphorically) to Tantric practitioner Mangala Holland from Mystic Sex.

Mangala set up the room, with a few candles and some sheets on the bed.

We talked about my intentions, anything I thought was blocking my sexuality, where I thought I needed healing (in what areas of my life), how my orgasms were or were not.

Then we did an undressing ritual. I took an item of clothing off and with each piece I dropped to the floor I said out loud something I wanted to let go of.

We then meditated together.

The massage always starts with a full-body oil massage. There is no touching of the genitalia until you are fully relaxed.

Then we had an intermission if you will. A toilet break, a little visit to the snack bar (kidding). When I came back from the bathroom, we changed positions and she sat between my legs, while I wrapped them around her.

Mangala then asked if she could touch my yoni (externally). I agreed.

Then after some external massage she asked permission to enter my yoni or something similar. I agreed.

From here Mangala used certain techniques to stimulate and massage my yoni, she felt for tension like any other trained massage therapist and from there with my full permission she worked into these areas, asking me to breath and make sound accordingly.

For a lot women big change and liberation lies in connecting to breath and sound. We hold back so much in our day to day lives that just this as part of the ritual is transforming. For me, I practice making sound as much as I can throughout the day. And even still I found myself not fully able to let go.

At times, I felt sad, at times I felt orgasmic energy through my whole body, at times my whole arms went numb, at times I felt like I was meditating.

The people who I’ve told, generally want to know if I had some mind-blowing orgasm.

This practice for me ended up being one that was quite Tantric; essentially I worked on bringing the orgasmic energy up through my body, to revitalise my energetic body (my chakras) and to connect to my heart.

Afterwards I felt reassured. I felt like I understood my body, my vagina and my sexual fingerprint more than ever (I know too that the growth won’t stop here) and there were points where I know I could of let go more … maybe in the future.

The following day after the massage, I felt emotional. All day. I even felt weird about the experience. The whole experience seemed quite unbelievable and surreal.

I think this work is really important. I think there is a special type of person that can offer this work and hold this space. I think we all deserve to feel pleasure and that we need to also teach our youth about the value of pleasure and self-respect.

We’ve got a long way to go, but times are changing and we know that the change starts with the self.

Thoughts? Would you be up for a little yoni massasge? 

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