Speets, Speeters and Speeting

Last weekend, I met 13 people – actually, it was 10; I already knew 3 people – very quickly! And it was 13 10 KINKY people!

Last weekend, I went SPEETING! (No! No chefs were hurt!) Speed Meeting or SPEETING is a social event for the kink/fetish community based on the awful (and awfully familiar, thanks to US TV) Speed Dating format: meet a potential partner, spend 5 minutes with said potential partner, say good-bye to said potential partner, go home feeling old and lonely.

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And this is where SPEETING is different.  It is not divided by binary genders or roles so you have the opportunity to just meet people. Any of those people could become a friend, a partner, a mentor, a protégé, a connection.

This is the perfect chance for kinksters new to the scene, looking to meet like-minded people, or those who just find it hard to get out. It is open to anyone wanting to make some new connections in the Melbourne kink community. All that is required is a real interest in meeting other kinksters, an open mind, and a respectful attitude.

12642732_1014895771887468_3186550103260431814_nArmed with these requirements, I arrive at Splinter, nervous and giggly. A quick hug from Mis Knickers and I’m handed an envelope containing a ‘Prompt Card’, paper and pen. My Prompt Card questions:

  • What kind of vegetable would you be?
  • Why is Nicholas Cage such a good actor?
  • What was the last movie you saw?

These and other conversation starters are there to help you out if you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed. Believe me, 5 minutes can really seem like a really, really long time if you’re not really clicking at all, really! The pen and paper are for my own note-taking during our (very) short breaks. The only problem, if you got along with your current SPEETer, is you tried to fit in more conversation and missed that 1 minute break; so I missed taking notes…and then I was onto the next SPEET.

Woah! Thirteen of those is a tad overwhelming (for me!) Thirteen SPEETs that all blended into one (because I talk too much!) Perhaps I’ll improve with practice?

It’s all very casual and comfortable, and fast!

If you’re interested in SPEETING, the next one is 28th May. Or message Mis Knickers or Renee Glover with any questions.

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(Bal)#Looners LOVE Loons!

Can Balloons be a Filthy Fetish?

balloon 1According to Lacey Cotton of Filthy Gorgeous Media, some people prefer whips and chains, others prefer balloons. When it comes to fetishes, some people are attracted to non-sexual objects or body parts, like feet and stuffed animals. A sexual fetishism is defined as a sexual attraction to an object that plays a big role in his or her’s sexuality. Virtually everyone has a fetish of some kind whether it is feet, latex, lacquer, or leather. Then there are the more bizarre which include furries, armpits, and balloons. Like with any fetish, there is range of acceptance and misunderstanding surrounding the kink. For some men and women that have a balloon fetish, they like nothing better than to spend their time watching women blowing up, over-inflating, and bursting colorful balloons. Others enjoy just being surrounded by the latex balls. In the same way that people have a “type,” when looking for a potential partner, some looners have a type of balloon. They care about and have a preference when it comes to the balloon’s size, color and brand.
balloon 3A fetish is typically caused by an early interest, or in some cases, a fear of an object that would later develop into a sexual attraction. According to studies, a vast majority of looners express a sexual interest in balloons before the age of 14. Whether this stems from either an attraction or a hatred for balloons, the fact is, that these children always had the feeling that balloons are special. As children we are attracted more to some things than others and these things will then obviously get more attention. We learn about the world through their senses, and balloons have much to offer all our senses. For example, in an episode of Strange Sex on TLC, a man named Christopher admits that he remembers coming home from school and pleasuring himself with a balloon as a child. That eventually developed into his erotic love for balloons and he hopes to share that appreciation and attraction with a woman.
Latex, similar to the rubberist fetish, is generally characterized by the skin-like texture, so the child will obviously identify the feeling right away as something comfortable. This feeling also might be comparable to the feeling of a pair of breasts later in life. Yet, the early fascination of an object may have a major impact later in life. It is very common, that any random object standing nearby, or being used while a person gets his or her’s first orgasm may later evolve into a fetish for that certain object, especially if the object is frequently used as an aid in masturbation, simply because it worked the first time.
The attraction to balloons can range from the erotic to more sensual. On National Geographic Channel, an episode of Taboo features a man named Dave admits to having a purely platonic relationship with many balloons. He thinks of balloons as his family and has fathered over 65,000 of them. Each night, Dave chooses a balloon and tucks it under his shirt and sleeps with it.
balloon 4Just as there is range of intensity that people feel towards the balloons, there are also different positions within the fetish according to what you enjoy. Someone who is a popper likes popping balloons and the anxiety leading up to it while non-poppers do not enjoy the popping, but are more excited by the look and feel of the balloons. Someone labeled a popper usually finds the exploding of balloons to be sexually arousing and considers it to be ‘the main event’. They play with balloons with the intent to pop them. Yet, there are some poppers that have a fear of balloons popping, but they find it arousing so they do it anyway. A non popper would probably prefer to play with balloons in ways that do not involve popping the balloon.
balloon 5However, poppers, non poppers, and semi poppers all have one thing in common. They see balloons as something exciting and special. Our brains are designed to remember positive experiences more so than negative once. Since the majority of experiences surrounding a person’s first orgasm is often times a very pleasant experience, the brain will also capture what happened in their environment while that pleasant experience happened. That means the brain will make a connection between the pleasant experience, which in some cases is sexual satisfaction, and the object that was used to achieve the pleasurable feeling which in this case is a balloon.
A variation of the looning fetish is the “Bubblegum Balloon Fetish” or “Bubblegum Looning”, where, instead of latex balloons, bubblegum is used to produce small to big balloon replicas (depending on the size of the gum). In this case, the “popper” or “non-popper” difference is absent since the balloons can be produced over and over, as opposed to latex balloons that pop and must be discarded. Bubblegum looners tend to like watching people produce balloons with bubblegum or producing balloons themselves.
As with balloon looning, Bubblegum Looning can be used in sexual activities to enhance sexual performances. In many cases, bubblegum balloons may be blown against some partner’s body parts to enhance sexual excitement or as a form of game play. A number of looners also enjoy other variations, such as rubber glove balloons, beach balls, inflatable PVC plastic toys, and inflating bin liners or garbage bags.
balloon 2Looning, like many other fetishes, is misunderstood. People associate many fetishes as taboos, practiced by weirdos and the disturbed when in fact, your elderly neighbor next door could be a looner and the CEO at the company where you work can be a Furry. The misconception that accompanies sexual fetishes have forced many of them to be an underground of hidden aspect of people’s lives. But with access to the internet, many people are becoming more educated about fetishes, which will hopefully lead to a greater understanding and acceptance in the future. People fear what they don’t understand, which is the direct reason that many write off fetishes as taboo. But ultimately, many people have a certain “kink” that excites them. It can be as simple as light spanking or as extreme as Furries and intense bondage.
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The World’s #1 #Fetish

Although it seems taboo, being aroused by feet is the number one fetish in the world…according to Jus Lamore of Filthy Gorgeous Media.

foot 1This little piggy went to the market, this little piggy stayed home, this little piggy you sucked on, and this little piggy made you cum. Ahhh, nothing a like an innocent child’s rhyme to get us on topic, eh? If you haven’t already guessed, today we are exploring the secretive yet oh so sensual world of foot fetishes and the many ways to please them.
To some men, a woman’s foot is just that, a foot, a hopefully nice-looking and well-manicured limb with no odor or fungus. However, to the other percentage of men, just the mere mention of a lady’s heel, arch, and shoe is enough to have him panting, stroking, and reaching orgasmic bliss. In fact, foot fetishism (also referred to as foot worship, foot partialism, and podophilia) is the most common sexual fetishism when it comes to “non-sexual” body parts. Dammit, I knew the guy who took pictures of my elbows and told me it was a common turn-on was full of shit. If you’re reading this, you’re a freak!
foot 3First, I think we should discuss what a foot fetishist generally craves physically and sexually. Like most sexual desires, there is no clear-cut description of arousal, different strokes for different folks, right? While you may assume soft skin, painted nails, and a 6-inch stiletto are what most men long for, you actually couldn’t be more wrong. Most common foot obsessions begin with shape and size of the foot and toes (short toes, long toes, nail length, and polish) followed by arches, soles, and foot jewelry. Another popular turn-on is foot attire (barefoot, flip flops, heels, and yes even sweaty gym sneakers) and of course odor (sweet, clean, or stinky). Lastly, every foot worshiper has a preferred method of interaction (smelling, rubbing, licking, tickling, biting, and yes, even inserting).
Now let’s get to the fun part. How to please a man with a foot fetish. The most important thing you need to know is to leave all judgments and apprehension at the door. Admitting to a fetish is not always an easy task, so if he has trusted you with this information and you are truly interested in him, then shut your mouth and get ready to point, flex, and repeat. Luckily, when someone is open about their fetish they will most likely tell you their specific likes and dislikes.
The foot-worshipper is the man who loves to praise feet and the ground they walk on. Usually this is the primary stage of discovering one’s fetish as well as introducing the idea to their partner. This worshipper loves to suck, massage, caress, and ogle feet and toes. He finds pleasure through their appearance, feel, and smell. During sex, as he lifts your leg up for deeper penetration, he will often take a few toes into his mouth as he drives into you. He is likely to incorporate a sensual oil foot massage into foreplay and certainly doesn’t mind the idea of you exploring his body with your feet and your feet only.
foot 2The undresser gets a kick out of the removal of nylons, socks, and shoes. The idea of taking off your shoe, stripping off your thigh high, and revealing your perfect pedicure, is the equivalent of a young boy unwrapping a present on Christmas morning. Now don’t get it twisted, for a foot fetishist, the fantasy of undressing a woman’s foot doesn’t always apply to expensive nylons and stilettos. Many men daydream about worn out sneakers, slightly sweaty socks, and moist toes at the end of their foot-mania tunnel.
The foot job lover is the man who likes to be jerked off by his partner’s feet. He enjoys the feel of a woman’s foot rubbing up and down his body, fondling his package, and eventually receiving a full-blown hand job, except with feet. If you stop what you’re doing right now and Google “Foot Jerk Off Videos”, you will find porn after porn of these acrobatic meat beatings and the thousands of fans who happily watch them.
The Foot Dominator likes to take charge, bark orders, and slightly abuse feet. He is the foot fetish extremist. Like a typical Dom he enjoys role play, spanking and binding, but a Foot Dom loves to end his session by ejaculating all over those 10 tiny toes. He may only be able to cum while looking at or feeling your feet and may demand you do the same. He may compliment them or degrade them, describing how filthy they are. He may have you tie them together, tickle them with a feather, and perhaps even attack your soles with a flogger. Whatever floats his boat just make sure he pays for a spa pedicure after.
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We’re Having a Party!

TeamTaboo has decided that we NEED a party! We have a HUGE space and loads (and loads) of equipment…so what else would you do, except have a party! Hmmm…now what would be a good reason to have a party?

A-ha! Friday 27th November is the 40th anniversary of the German (if you love porn, it has to be German!) release of The Story of O – there couldn’t be a better reason!

There will be cocktails, food (including popcorn, I hope!), The Story of O, followed by play-time…Yay! It’ll be a private party – invitation only!

Do you want to come? We’re giving away 15 double invitations to An Evening with O.

Before you get too excited (I am!), the party is in Melbourne, Australia so you need to be here…ok?

Click Here to Enter

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Good luck! I hope I get to meet some of you… xxx

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So What Makes a Good #submissive?

Hmmm…full moon last night and a slightly flat show…pity! That would be one you might not rush to listen to the podcast. But I did realise that, despite being around and in ‘The Scene’ for the last 2 years, I am still unlearned in many ways. For all intensive purposes, I remain a ‘newbie’ submissive.

So what makes a good submissive?

Ballsy Billy (from mastererotica60) proffered this:

What makes a good submissive? What marks a submissive from a player or wannabe?  What follows is a compiled list of traits. Listed are the ones that seemed to be desired by a majority of dominants. I feel that almost all of these traits are what makes a good person not just a successful submissive.

Many of these things intertwine with each other. These are some personal beliefs of what makes a good submissive as well as a good person.  You may or may not agree!?  Most of these can be applied to any relationship, not just those within BDSM. I list them in alphabetical order for ease of reading.

059.HR 1Acceptance:

This is the ability to see and accept yourself for who and what you are, be they your good points or your bad ones. This includes knowing your limitations yet keeping the thought that things can change and knowing you will change as well. This is the ability to let yourself be who you are, to take pride and pleasure in the person you are, and not lose that acceptance because someone said you are not what you know you are.

Communication:

This is the ability to talk openly and honestly about what is in your heart and mind, your opinions and beliefs, your needs vs. your wants, your responses or reactions, basically to be able to talk about everything. This ability also calls into play the honesty of the submissive and the dominant. Once open communication has been established it should remain that way and will do so provided the submissive does not stop communicating honestly. To not communicate is to endanger yourself physically (as well as emotionally). Communication need not always be verbal. Just so long as what you need to say to your partner, gets said to them, then the lines of communication stay open. For example, you may find a particular topic easier to write about in your journal and thus “tell” your partner that way. This is still communicating.

063.HR 2Courtesy (aka Manners):

This one is fairly self explanatory but many people have asked me for specifics on courtesy. Since the specifics of this one vary with each relationship, I will only address general manners. It is the ability to show proper courtesy by using please and thank you, addressing people with general respect and courtesy.

Grace:

This is another whose specifics vary with each relationship, but is basically the ability to not appear stilted or halting in your movements. I’m not sure this one is of major importance to many people, but I list it here anyway as it has come up frequently. Of course this may be affected by physical limitations that will reduce its importance.

Growth:

The ability to grow within yourself, look for and attain new goals. Be these mental, emotional or physical goals. The ability to continue to grow and sharpen your abilities is very important as it prevents the relationship from stagnating helps you to grow as a submissive and thus discover new ways to please or serve your dominant.

Honesty:

Personally I feel this shouldn’t need to be said, but there are far too many people who lack honesty so it has to be said. Honesty is the ability to speak up, be open and truthful about what you say. Don’t hide your emotions, fears, limits, fantasies, ideas and thoughts. Don’t tell the dominant what you think he/she wants to hear. A successful submissive is an honest person, one who does not lie, deceive, or intentionally manipulate. Honesty builds trust. Trust is the basis of a relationship. To lie, breaks down the trust and therefore the relationship by removing it’s very foundation.

089. 140915 1900Humility:

This is basically the ability to see yourself as fallible. A successful submissive knows they will make mistakes; that they are not perfect. A successful submissive admits his/her mistakes, and strives to correct them. Giving off an attitude of being better than anyone else, is not a desired trait. Having a sense of pride is good, but humility is necessary to prevent one from being arrogant.

Intelligence:

By intelligence I don’t mean book smart, the ability to do long involved mathematical equations or pull apart and rebuild a computer. As it applies to a successful submissive intelligence is the ability to think for themselves. The ability to make informed decisions about who to submit to and just how far their submission goes. The ability to take the time to learn their partner outside the roles of dominant and submissive, to learn them as the person they are, their likes and dislikes. The ability to learn what pleases their dominant and remembers those things.

Loyalty:

This is a very important trait in a submissive. It is the ability to uphold your dominants rules over anyone else. A successful submissive will not act in a manner that will raise doubts about his/her commitment to their dominant. It is upholding your end of the agreement made with your partner to the best of your abilities. This can also mean standing by your partner when difficulties arise. This tends to come hand in hand with commitment and both are necessary for a long term relationship to survive.

098. 170915 1330Obedience:

This is exactly what is in everyday life, the ability to do what you are told. Within a power exchange relationship this means willingly following the terms of your dominant and doing what you are told. Willing obedience is pleasing to the submissive as well as the dominant. This can directly relate to the person’s submissiveness. A submissive does not obey because they fear their dominant, they obey because they have an intense need to please the dominant. This does not mean blind obedience (never question anything). Specifics regarding obedience do vary with each relationship, but obeying one’s dominant is part of a power exchange relationship and is expected.

Open Mind:

This is the ability to view things with as little preset prejudice as possible. To maintain the ability to learn new things and be open to trying something new or different. It directly compliments Growth.

Patience:

That is the ability to wait for things. Being pushy is aggravating. This does not mean to push your most urgent needs aside, but to learn the difference between what a necessity is and what is not and to convey these things to the dominant.

Pride: (self-respect, self-esteem)

This does not mean be arrogant, just the knowledge of your ability. Having a sense of pride in your abilities shows that you have a healthy sense of self-esteem and your whole identity does not rely on another’s point of view. A good submissive values themselves and respects their own limits. A solid sense of self-esteem is a necessity for a submissive or they can become co-dependent upon the dominant, relying on the dominant for their own mental picture of themselves. Humility is part of this as well.

Respect:

The ability to show respect through one’s tone of voice, manners and general attitude. A sub must respect their Dom (unless it is destroyed) and be respectful to others. This goes along with manners. Showing respect to one’s dominant should be at all times, and not just when the submissive feels like it. Yes, we have arguments in these relationships, but a submissive should strive to maintain a respectful demeanor even during such times.

Service:

Willingly completing tasks (sexual or otherwise) set for you by your dominant. As well to apply your observations to the things you do to please your dominant. Service usually points to those things outside of sexual ones and play (sessions). Such things as housework, cooking, and other things designed to make the home of the dominant more pleasing to him/her. Service can include tasks set for you by the dominant which do not fall under household chores. Perhaps the household budgeting is one task the dominant sets upon you, cooking his/her favorite meal, and many other things can be service. Basically anything done with the direct intent to please the dominant in some manner can be seen as service.

130Submissiveness:

This can be taught or an inherent personality trait. This is the need to please others and by doing so pleasing yourself. As well, it is the ability to give in (so to speak) to another’s control and feel content doing so. Submissiveness as a learned behavior does occur in bdsm relationships. This usually happens as the submissive gains experience and thus grows in their submission. However, if a person has to learn to submit against their natural inclinations not to, then submission is probably not for them.

Trust:

A submissive must be able to trust themselves, the choices they make and be able to trust others. An overly wary or closed submissive, will have a more difficult time attaining a good relationship with a dominant. Being able to trust your instincts is necessary for a submissive, especially when looking for a dominant because your instincts will often tell.

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Fake Doms and Posers

marimarThis has been reblogged from Mari-Mar:

I found this post while surfing the internet and I am rebloging it here because I think it’s important to know, especially as a new sub. She’s a bit harsh but that is why I like her. :)
I didn’t agree with “if he has never been to a munch, a dungeon, a kink-related class, and has no ties to the local kink community. He’s a fraud.”
Some can’t go or simply don’t want to be associated in that scene.

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Fraud:
a person or thing intended to deceive others, typically by unjustifiably claiming or being credited with accomplishments or qualities

Dominant:
ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence

My experience in the world of BDSM has lead me to believe that the vast majority of men that identify as dominant, are frauds. Most of the time they are sad, lonely, socially unskilled creatures that hide behind a mask of false dominance and prey upon unsuspecting women interested in exploring their kinky side. Often they are uneducated, underemployed, unattractive, and uninteresting. If there is one thing they all claim to have in common it is a claim to a high degree of intelligence. I call bullshit.

Having encountered many of these men in my own journey, I have decided to compile a list of red flags (with some help from my friends) that may prove helpful to those new to the scene:

  • He should offer personal information before you ask for it. A refusal to do so is a HUGE red flag. And telling you he’s “a private person” is bullshit.
  • Trust your gut. Bound and naked in a hotel room is the wrong time to discover the difference between a true Dominant and a predator.
  • His toy bag contains all “homemade” toys and/or everything seems to be brand new.
  • He doesn’t have any references or claims to have them but has trouble getting them to you.
  • He calls you “slut” (or another equally misogynistic names) straight off the bat, before establishing a rapport with you. Real Dominants earn respect.
  • Test his ego: See if he has ever or would ever submit. Whether he has or would is irrelevant. It’s his reaction you’re looking for.
  • He insists on highly sexual play from the get-go, before establishing a relationship or boundaries.
  • He expects you to participate in dangerous play you might not be comfortable with, such as breath play, cutting, etc.
  • He claims that you don’t need a safe word.
  • He doesn’t take personal responsibility or admit wrongdoing. Everything is always someone else’s (and soon to be her) fault.
  • He is young (under 35) and claims to have ten years experience.
  • He doesn’t allow his submissive to have any limits; or he doesn’t respect them after they are established.
  • He claims to be in an “open relationship” but refuses to provide any verifiable information about his primary partner.
  • He has never been to a munch, a dungeon, a kink-related class, and has no ties to the local kink community.
  • He expects for you to pay for and/or provide toys, meals, gas, hotel expenses, etc.
  • He wants to “own” or “collar” you after a brief period of time.
  • His stories and/or timelines don’t add up or are inconsistent.
  • He easily loses control of his emotions. Doms need to be in full control of themselves before they can control someone else.
  • Watch out for Doms who criticize the way you play, or way you think, or anything about you, really. Doms should support and offer constructive feedback.
  • He hides behind his D/s authority and thinks it shouldn’t be questioned. The best Dominants are mentors/teachers.
  • You’re relationship with him is beginning to cause problems in your “normal” life (with family, friends, significant other, career, etc).
  • Don’t rush. Don’t hurry. And run screaming from anyone who tries to push you into anything you aren’t ready for!!

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