Make Time for Yourself

As if anyone needed an excuse, May is National Masturbation Month. Make sure to keep some time for yourself!

CELEBRATE

Masturbation is the foundation for human sexuality, for both men and women, but only a few of us admit doing it or even discuss it because it’s considered a taboo subject. This is a real pity because masturbation may:

  1. Promote the release of endorphins, the neurotransmitters associated with happy feelings that can improve overall mood and fight off depression.
  2. Produce a chemical called oxytocin, which works as a natural pain reliever.
  3. Help reduce headaches and muscle aches.
  4. Relieve stress and tension and aid relaxation after a stressful day.
  5. Provide a sexual outlet for people who are on their own, by choice or circumstance.
  6. Help to induce sleep, or conversely, help to start the day with more energy.
  7. Improve the immune system and contribute to overall health.
  8. Strengthen muscle tone in the genital and pelvic floor area, which can lead to better sex.
  9. Keep you free from sexual transmitted infections as it’s the safest kind of sex.
  10. Help people who suffer from Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS), a neurological disorder causing leg pain, cramps, tingling and itching, (published in the medical journal Sleep Medicine). Several doctors in the US have had confirmation from their patients that it helps.
  11. Translate into better sex as stimulating each other at the same time is intimate and rewarding. People often masturbate into old age.

Possible health benefits for women:

  1. Combats pre-menstrual tension and other physical conditions associated with the menstrual cycle, such as cramps.
  2. Relieves painful menstruation by increasing blood flow to the pelvic region; which will also reduce pelvic cramping and related backaches.
  3. Builds resistance to yeast infections.
  4. Allows women to explore and understand their bodies better, so they will know what they like when they have sex with a partner.

Possible health benefits for men:

  1. May help combat premature ejaculation by training to last longer; it’s easier to practise control when on your own.
  2. Regular flushing of the system keeps semen healthy.
  3. Frequent masturbation helps in preventing the development of prostate cancer. Cancer-causing chemicals can build up in the prostate if men do not ejaculate regularly.

COUPLEAlmost everyone self-pleasures, but for men it’s easier because their genitals are visible from an early age. Young men can use masturbation as a way to learn how to control their ejaculations.

Today there are still girls and women who have never seen their genitals and are not always aware the clitoris needs direct stimulation to achieve an orgasm. I keep telling my clients that masturbation is a great way to explore and learn about their bodies. When you know your likes and sexual responses, you can show your partner how to give you an orgasm.

There are also some interesting misunderstandings. Some people believe that when you are in a relationship you don’t need to masturbate anymore – others see it as cheating, but nothing is further from the truth.

Given the negative messages children often receive about touching themselves while growing up; it’s understandable they may retain elements of shame and embarrassment which can affect their sexuality for the rest of their lives.

Since the sexual revolution in the mid-1970s attitudes to masturbation have changed, but the stigma is still persistent. Just Google the word and one of the first results it returns is “masturbation is a sin”.

In 1992 Seinfeld aired the controversial episode The Contest. George had been caught “in the act” by his mother, and his friends Jerry, Elaine and Kramer discuss the incident over lunch.  They decide to have a contest about who can last the longest without – as George puts it – “you know”! The word masturbation was not mentioned at all, but the episode was one of the most popular ever.

Things have changed slowly, but these days society is very comfortable with women’s bodies being sexualised, but not with women being shown to be sexual.

In Delhi, young women were interviewed about their attitudes to masturbation. Finding the women wasn’t easy as many were too shy and considered it taboo. But the women who did were very open-minded and spoke freely about the topic.

The concept behind this video was to persuade the public to change their attitudes about masturbation, which is not considered a sin in Indian culture and therefore nothing to be ashamed of. In any case, India is the country where the Kama Sutra originated, the most ancient book on the pleasures of sensual living.

To celebrate National Masturbation Month, I (in conjunction with Lovehoney Australia) am giving away one Lovehoney Desire Luxury USB Rechargeable Remote Control Love Egg Vibrator (valued at $109.95) and one Lovehoney Sqweel XT for Men USB Rechargeable Oral Sex Simulator (values at $99.95).

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#LikeAGirl

Last week, I caught myself from saying ‘you’re throwing like a girl’ to my 5 year old nephew. It felt wrong to even contemplate saying it (although he does throw like what has previously and commonly referred as such).

Our beliefs about male and female relationships are learned, and can be passed onto the next generation.

Playing with my nephew allowed me a moment of honest self-reflection. It is these seemingly harmless phrases we say in front of young people that can be interpreted in ways we don’t intend.

The week before, I had posted this meme:

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I thought nothing of it. When I was a kid (I suppose I was under 10 at the time), we played kiss chase-y: both boys and girls hit each other when they liked some-one (as well as planting a kiss on that person). There was nothing in my mind that linked this meme to any kind of sexism or abuse. I meant it to be very tongue-in-cheek and sassy. I considered the audience for whom it was published. I never thought that it would be taken any other way.

I was wrong.

I can see why some people were upset; and, you should speak up when someone says or does something that excuses disrespect towards women.

Taboo Radio likes to take the piss out of themselves, sex and kink. We try not to take anything too seriously –Yes, sometimes it may be offensive (so scroll on); but we presume that our audience is on the same wavelength.

Taboo Radio wants you to keep commenting (good or bad) on the things we post. In this case, it’s really given me something to reflect upon. After all, as one woman points out in one of the videos, “I am a girl and that is not something that I should be ashamed of.”

Top 5 for #TeamTaboo

2015 was a BIG year for Taboo Radio. (Most importantly,) I joined the team; but some other very exciting things happened that changed our kinky world. We starting inviting some interesting guests into the studio and you got to meet Master Jack, Snake, Mis Knickers, Lucie Bee and Kim Cums.

So what were our Top 5?

5. #TeamTaboo launches our own shop

With the show gaining popularity across the kink community, we decided now was the time to launch our own shop. Are you part of #TeamTaboo?

4. Taboo Radio joins i-Tunes

Did you know that you can listen to our podcasts on i-Tunes? All of them!

3. Taboo Radio hits 500 followers on Twitter!

It’s not always easy to get social media followers when you’re a kinky, fetish-filled, digital radio show – one’s followers does not necessarily want their mommy knowing that he likes being spanked.

2. SEXPO

#TeamTaboo joined other media at Sexpo Melbourne, allowing us to run around and talk to porn stars, sex toy inventors and firemen. You can see ALL our photos at our Sexpo Gallery.

1. An Evening with O

#TeamTaboo held our first (and definitely not last) party. With lots of planning (and help from our friends), we decided to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the release of The Story of O. With lots of food, drink, great friends and play time, we declare this party to have been very successful.

And we’re looking forward to spending 2016 with all of you.

We’re Having a Party!

TeamTaboo has decided that we NEED a party! We have a HUGE space and loads (and loads) of equipment…so what else would you do, except have a party! Hmmm…now what would be a good reason to have a party?

A-ha! Friday 27th November is the 40th anniversary of the German (if you love porn, it has to be German!) release of The Story of O – there couldn’t be a better reason!

There will be cocktails, food (including popcorn, I hope!), The Story of O, followed by play-time…Yay! It’ll be a private party – invitation only!

Do you want to come? We’re giving away 15 double invitations to An Evening with O.

Before you get too excited (I am!), the party is in Melbourne, Australia so you need to be here…ok?

Click Here to Enter

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Good luck! I hope I get to meet some of you… xxx

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#Spanking TONIGHT!

Tonight (at 10pm AEDT – check what time that is for you HERE), Taboo Radio is talking about Spanking. Do you like spanking? Personally, I don’t see the appeal…which is why I suggested to @MarquisDeJJ that we broach the subject – I want to know what the big deal is.

#TeamTaboo actually researches our topics before we hit air time; and, in doing so, I found a great beginners’ guide at Your Tango:

138It’s not often that thanks to Victorian-era erotica, a 15-year-old girl experiences a sexual epiphany. But that’s exactly what happened to Katherine* during her sophomore year of high school.

047.vintage spankingWhen her debate team stopped at a bookstore on an out-of-town trip, a friend purchased a book of 19th century sex stories. You know what happens next: on the bus ride home, a wide-eyed Katherine pored over one tale about a man and his female servant.

This sexcapade, though, had a special twist: It involved a lot of spanking.

“I thought, ‘Oh my God, this is an actual thing! I’m not the only one who thinks this is interesting!'” Recalls Katherine, a 41-year-old photographer in New Mexico. She’s thought about spanking since she was a little girl, but it wasn’t until she became aroused reading that story that she wanted to be spanked by a man in bed.

Women like Katherine aren’t alone: Lots of people are into love taps — over-the-knee or tangled up in intercourse, one item on the foreplay buffet or the main event. “For some people, a good hard smack is going to bring nerve endings to life,” says Dr. Yvonne Fulbright, sexologist and author of Touch Me There: A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.

It’s tricky to find out how many people are doing it, but you don’t have to look further than pop culture to see we’ve got spanks on the brain: paddlings make appearances everywhere from old episodes of I Love Lucy to the 2004 flick Along Came Polly to Broadway’s hit show Spring Awakening. Back in 1996, essayist Daphne Merkin shocked New Yorker readers with a frank article about her desire to be spanked by a man; even Justin Timberlake promised in his 2006 single SexyBack, “I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave.” (Were you talking to Britney, Cameron, or Jessica when you said that, Justin?)

Why Spanking Hurts So Good

The posterior is full of its own nerves, and the bum is also located near the body’s sensory hot spots — a man’s scrotum and a woman’s vulva. A kinky maneuver like spanking is a great way to send ripples through the skin and stimulate that entire area, Fulbright says.

Thomas Roche, a 39-year-old erotica writer in San Francisco, says spanking is “hot, emotionally charged and so intimate” all at once. But for him, the allure of spanking a woman is all the “bodily contact”—a submissive woman’s rear end and all the parts around it.

Spanking is appealing to different folk for different reasons. “Some people like the punishment, role-playing thing, some people just like the spanking part of it. For some people, it’s more innocent,” says Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor of Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica, who wrote passionately about her love of a good spanking in her former Village Voice sex column. “You have to figure out what part of it you’re interested in exploring so you can explain it to the other person.”

secretaryOnce you’ve figured out your fantasy, how do you ask to be spanked — or to give a spanking? Try renting Secretary, the 2002 movie starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader, and watching it with your sweetie, suggests Bussel. If indie films aren’t your bag, she suggests you find a YouTube video or a web site which contains spanking, showing it to your partner and asking what they think about trying it.

Whether you’re the spanker or the spankee, Bussel says to approach the “hey, can we try this” discussion forthrightly but without pressure. Since the subject can be off-putting, approach the act as something you and your partner just trying, she says, not something you want to do every night (even if you do).

How To Spank Like A Pro

121. 250915 1900As for how to perform the spanking, there are lots of ways to do it! First, pick a position that feels comfortable for you. For beginners, Roche suggests lying across someone’s lap on a bed so that the spankee’s head is supported. The receiver can also bend over a chair or stand against a wall if that’s more enticing. You can use hands or spank with an implement like a wooden paddle. Sex shops have lots of fun instruments—if your paddle’s covered in fur it becomes a “joke-y, funny prop” and will inject humor into the bedroom, says Bussel.

“It’s not exactly painful, depending on how it’s done,” says Roche. “But if you go too hard, too fast, too far, you can cause a lot of pain. You just want to start soft and explore!” The fleshy part of the rear end, of course, is a great place to start—the backs of the thighs can be more painful and love-tapping the genital area is an “advanced” move not to be done by beginners, Roche warns. Other areas that you should not hit under any circumstances include the backs of the knees, the tailbone and the spine. “Use common sense,” he says—or just stick to what Roche calls the “sweet spot,” the sensitive area where the butt and upper thigh meet.

In between blows, the spanker can caress the spanked area, fondle the genitals or gently tug the spankee’s hair—if that’s what the spankee would like. “Afterwards, you should talk about it to see if you read [your partner’s] body properly,” he says. Find out if those whimpers of pain were in ecstasy or in regret.

But like lots of choices on the kink sexual buffet, spanking is not embraced by everyone. The butt can be off-limits for a lot of adults, Fulbright warns. While some people find it exciting to have that area touched, others grapple with the psychological element of letting someone access a “taboo” area, even if your partner isn’t touching anywhere near your anus.

Katherine knows this taboo all too well: Although her interest in sexual spanking dates back to her childhood, it wasn’t until age 37 that she incorporated spanking into her sex life in a way that felt healthy. Her biggest hurdle? Katherine had a physically abusive relationship as a young adult and the first time a sexual partner hit her butt was out of anger, she says. For years, Katherine wrestled with an internal conflict about asking a man to spank her in the context of sex.

Indeed, it’s not hard to see how people who were spanked as children (or physically abused in at any point in life) may cringe at spanking during sex. For lots of us, hitting is scary, angry and unpredictable.

Trust Your Spanker

That’s why trusting your partner is crucial. Roche has been spanking women since he was 17 and he’s seen more than a few “emotional moments” over the years from women for whom spanking exhumed powerful memories. Therefore, trust goes both ways. “You need to know she’s going to let you know if something is not right,” he says. One idea? Establish a word or phrase, something other than “stop” or “no” (which people sometimes say when they mean just the opposite), that signifies all spanking must cease immediately. “Let’s do something else,” or, “I’m done with this,” are both good suggestions.

Toying with power dynamics can be as alluring as it is discomforting. When it comes to spanking and gender-roles, baggage about power can enter the bedroom on an express train. Although love taps are certainly not exclusively man-on-woman behavior, anecdotally, guys spanking gals is one of the more common manifestations. Some dudes relish lady-swatting, which makes them feel powerful or manly. Roche, for instance, says he loves the “power aspect.” But other dudes are justifiably freaked out by such a request. Men are, after all, taught never to hit women.

“Men are nervous about this, too!” Says Katherine. “Inflicting pain on a woman, even erotic pain, is a little daunting!” She thinks many a man is OK with the act of spanking his lady but he may not be OK with the part of himself that likes it—he might be wondering if there’s something angry, violent or wrong with him.

If you sense your guy is worried, keep spanking lighthearted: play up the sexiest, most playful parts of a spanking, suggests Katherine, such as the butt being “an erogenous zone prominently displayed,” and the fact spanking entails “a lot of squirming and panting!” You or your partner can even role play or dress up in costumes (bad maid, bad student, bad what-have-you).

It’s possible that your guy may be the one who wants to be spanked. In fact, it’s a hat Bussel has worn many a time before, even with “cocky” guys who are the “opposite of what you might think” when you imagine a submissive man. But what’s so hot about spanking a guy? She probably isn’t physically overpowering him, says Bussel, so he is making himself vulnerable to her. Since some guys see wanting to be spanked as emasculating, she adds, this means a guy is being especially trusting.

Spanking can be great fun to introduce into the bedroom. Through lots of communication, individual couples need to figure out all the details of the delivery themselves. Safety is paramount, of course, but timing is everything. If done wrong, says Fulbright, spanking “is the kind of move that can totally kill the moment!” But once you’ve got your partner where you want them, have fun! There’s no one right way to spank someone and if it hurts too much—or too little—to be pleasurable, you’ve got to speak up!

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